*Originally written an presented at the Existential Humanistic Institute May 2023
Stand serpentine and strong, perfectly poised, and dare me to enter. Set my wobbly feet among the old stones who find themselves indifferently observant like the watchers themselves; silent and timeless.
I twist, I turn
A young man, reacting more than I am living. I know the harrowing frenzy of chaos. I know the secrets of sheepdogs, alienated by the sheep for how much we have in common with the wolves. I know the world that happens outside the news. It’s a foreshadowing of one dark Tuesday in September. Like my fiends and I used to say, “everything happens on a Tuesday”.
I twist, I turn
I run along a forgotten trail behind an empty motorpool. I know why it’s so empty. Suddenly me being here instead of there feels wrong.
I twist, I turn
Young dreams, a decade late for most, fill my world with promise. Perhaps this isn’t all there is after all. Maybe there’s more. I try to pull myself out of this life and into the one I was ashamed for not having lived. Young dreams die though, not every promise is what it seems.
I twist, I turn
Looking for the young man and missing what chaos used to mean. Wars take their toll. Humans can do worse though. Oh god, I wish I didn’t know that!
I twist, I turn
You’re as close as you’ve been and still daring me to enter. But my work isn’t done yet.
I twist, I turn
I encounter myself. Feel myself. Reinhabit myself. I see my life sprawl out beneath me like some breathtaking landscape I view from the window of a plane. I stay there a moment until I realize that the only thing between me and the landscape is an inch of glass and thirty thousand feet of falling. So I pull away.
I twist, I turn
I see words like mine. I enter into sacred spaces with people who will never know just how intimately familiar I am with this level of hell we traverse together. It’s what made me a helpful guide and fellow traveler to begin with.
I twist, I turn
Wobbly feet among the watchers
I twist, I turn
I enter
You stand serpentine and strong, perfectly poised.
“Who are you?”
“I am a healer now”
As I finish my work it occurs to me that I needed every twist and turn to be able to answer you.
I turn and walk down the hill to meet today